Life & Death

Big and heavy thoughts for a Monday morning today.

I played and sang for 2 funerals this morning. Both were of similar circumstances and of similar age who died somewhat unexpectedly and what some would consider at too early of an age.

The first one was an uncle of a dear friend of mine. I was pleased that they thought of me and would want to allow me to share what I can with them at such a time. I am so pleased that I could help make a good memory for her and her family at a time when memories made are often painful ones.

I learned today that her uncle was a learned man who walked quietly through life with a smile for everyone in all circumstances with life. He was not married, but he had a special friend/significant other and had no children. Lots of friends and family were present and it was very evident how he touched many peoples lives and was appreciated for it.

He took ill suddenly early last week and passed rather shockingly for the family later last week.

The second funeral was for a lady who lost her parents when she was in high school and was left to look after a disabled younger sister. She was very career oriented and a number of her colleagues today made note of that. They also noted that she loved her family and her friends, especially her very special companion whom she lost a few years ago. Again, she was someone who did not have any children, but they noted that she was someone who loved children very much, enjoyed having children in the offices and in her home and doted on the younger ones in her family and the children of her friends.

In the past I have sat on the bench and often smiled as the family of those who have passed on have spoken so eloquently about the person. That is the one time in life where no one speaks badly of someone and that the person is only thought of well. I find funerals are the time where I can feel the most positive and supportive energies in one place from all people at one time and be very uplifted.

Over the past year I have found myself sitting on the bench more and more for those that did not have children, and relied on friends and somewhat immediate family for the final memories for the living to take with them. Some have been old, some have been young but in all of the services I have found my mind thinking about how different the services are when the decedent has children. I'm not saying that it's a better service, but it is certainly different...somehow more intimate and more supportive - especially when a spouse or significant other is left to continue on life's path alone. Over the past year I have done only a handful of services, but each time I do a service I find the same thought crossing my mind...If I go first, children would help Van continue onward. Conversely, if Van passes first, children could help me continue forward as well. I also think each and every service where the person has children what my dear sister reminds me of - you need someone to wipe your ass when you end up in the home LOL!!

I then find myself thinking that none of the things that I think of regarding why I should have children are fair expectations to put on any person, child or not.