I guess I have to whether I want to or not

I'm fat. I knew that already.

I have been in denial though about how fat I really am.

It has taken me getting to the point where nearly no top in Canada will fit. My proportions are extremely unproportional and the top is far worse than the bottom.

I digress.

I've been in denial about how fat I really am.

I have been telling myself that I've lost weight before only to gain it all back plus, so why bother?

I have been telling myself that the effort doesn't equal the reward in the long run.

I have been telling myself that as long as my health isn't adversely affected, then don't worry about it.

I got the DVD of Chicago a few months ago - maybe, June? Don't really remember now. I played it through to the first sighting of Mama...basically the big song. I shut it off. Horrified by what I saw and haven't turned it back on since.

I have been having dental problems. For a few months now. I went yesterday for a general cleaning and check up. I have an infection where the broken molar is. I wasn't surprised, but she was. I also have an infection in the gum on the other side around a tooth that has the filling buckling. She said that if I am brushing & flossing regularly (which I am) that this other infection shouldn't be happening. Well, it is. Looking things up on the internet, apparently obese people have a higher amount of infections of the mouth than normal sized people and that in a lot of cases, the infection leads to tooth loss.

Not cool for a singer.

I also have approximately 7 concerts that I will be performing in between September 15 & January 1.

Finsing cute outfits has been a challenge.

Seeing what I looked like last year at this time was a challenge.

My teeth are a challenge.

My blood pressure is a challenge.

I weighed myself today. It's going to be a challenge, but one I've got to take a real good look at tackling again as now my health is being affected.

Boo. I'm lazy and don't want to bother with this whole excercise crap. But, if I don't I will not be able to sing and loose valuable income. Income I coudl use to buy cuter outfits to sing in. What a vicious circle!

One busy day

So for a Sunday, today was one busy day!

Church, then a rehearsal that turned in to a meeting at my house instead for 3 hours followed by a quick bit to eat, laundry after finding Harvey threw up on the bed, which he isn`t allowed on in the first place and then another rehearsal from 6 - 8, which ran a bit long until closer to 8:30. Instead of going home and coming right back to pick up Van at 10pm, I went for desert with one of my rehearsal mates at the Ale House instead and then went to pick up Van.

Whew! I`m not used to these busy days yet! I know that the busiest days are yet to come starting back teaching, having a store open for a couple of days a week, getting ready for some xmas craft shows, and keeping a house. I know things are only going to get busier, but I`d rather wait until September. August is just not the time where I`m ready to be busy...

2-weeks down

Okay, so it's been 2-weeks since stopping the SSRI known as effexor. It's not been an easy ride, but apparently it's been an easier ride than a lot of people I've been reading posts from on the web.

The worst thing about this process is the "drunk brain" as I like to call it. The first 10 days compeltely off the medication were sheer misery. I am finding that the past 2 - 3 days I don't notice it so much during the day. It was to the point where I moved my eyes in the leaast, or my head in the least and I would nearly fall over. The past 2 days I haven't noticed it at all until I get ready to go to bed.

The tinnitus has decreased significantly as well *whew*

I was teary and edgy the last 2 weeks, but I feel so much better overall. I dont' feel as generally lethargic.

I could always cry at the drop of a hat whether on the meds or not, but I do find that things do hit me more quickly and deeply than I remember them doing before the meds.

It just feels good to care and to feel again. I had gotten to the point where on the meds I didn't care. I basically went to the "numb" and "dont' care" stage which isn't any healthier than feeling everything too much. So, here's to hoping that I can keep my emotions from overwhelming me so I don't have to go on crap like this again.

For those struggling with withdrawing from SSRI's, all I can tell you is don't go back. Don't give up. It will feel like you are dying or that you want to die, but it will get better.