Mish Mash

Ever get that deep seated tired to the core? What did you do to combat it? (Don't bother responding if you would suggest exercise.)

Had another emotional meeting at/with regards to work yesterday and today. Another complete breakdown at both. Is it worth it? Haven't decided yet.

They presented me another option today. A way to stay, but a completely different place and level. Is it out of a sense of loyalty for all that I've done with them so far? Probably. Do I want to stay here? Probably. I've asked for an outline of what they believe will be needed for this new position. I'm just not sure that there is a way to save anything within though. I will give them credit for trying so hard to keep me here, and happy...at their own expense. Damn friendships first!

Seriously considering truly going "public" with my Spiritual side and thoughts. I let anyone and everyone who actually asks me what I think about religion of all kinds, but I'm seriously looking at some SSF development classes and iiihs certifications. Then again, it's all organized, which is probably the thing I dislike the most about it!! :) Oh well. Life isn't perfect. but perhaps I can take what I like from it and then modify as needed. What I've been doing anyway. But, I think that would feed the counselling and teaching void that I feel right now. It will also mean investing money and time, which I'm not convinced is necessary, but perhaps it is to be taken seriously? Don't know. Doubt that anyone will truly take me seriously anyway with it all, but hey! All I can do is try. That's what life's all about.

It's Camp Day at Tim's today...So I got 24 Smile Cookies for the office. Sharing rawks!

When I was at the lake on Sunday both Van and I opened up to my mom about a lot of things along the other worldly line and she didn't balk, blink or ridicule. Way to go mom!!! Baby steps are great! :)

I'm confused as to why I have no self-esteem even when I know I'm good enough at something. Anyone have any thoughts on combatting that? Even Cognitive Behavioral Therapy just doesn't seem to be cutting it.

Life is hard enough, why is it that other people always seem to make it harder?

How are Van and I going to agree on where to live when we both want the same thing, just in different places? He wants NS and I want either St. George or Hampton/Sussex.

Solstice is coming. I've been invited to another ritual. So far all the rituals I've been invited to have been at times I've had previous committments. This one isn't, but I'm still not keen on going. Why? Not sure. Perhaps it's they're too "out there" for me? They think they are Pagan/non-Christian, when really they are just rebellious and goth interested. *le sigh*

Solstice - a blurb as written in the Llewellyn's Witches Datebook 2007:
The longest day and shortest night of the year. Solstice marks the height of the Sun's powers and the beginning of their decline as the wheel of the year turns. Celebrations are filled with marriages, music, dancing, racing, feasting and rituals. Young animals and new babies have replenished the community. This is a joyous time of renewal.
Stonehenge was aligned to the Summer Solstice Sun about 4,000 years ago. Each year, thousands of modern Pagans and Witches gather at Stonehenge in celebration of the Summer Solstice. Many other stone works are aligned to the Summer Solstice, attesting to teh widespread importance of this day in cultures around the world.
Summer Solstice is sacred to the Horse Goddess Epona. She is a Mother Goddess of the fruits of the fields and orchards and represents abundance; the cornucopia is a symbol of Epona's bounty.

A time of renewal. Perhaps that is applicable to me afterall.