I used to be an agressive personality. I admitted it. I owned it. After living the "corporate life" and by most every one's accounts taking a nervous breakdown trying to become less agressive while dealing with passive and passive-agressive personalities, I have come to the realization in the past few weeks that I have become passive-aggressive myself. Due to this - specifically the inability to say no, or suffer inappropriate amounts of guilt, I have really painted myself in to a corner with regards to scheduling. I have done nothing but seethe about it to myself, at myself, etc.
After the breakdown, I became passive. Completely happy to let others make my decisions, said nothing to anyone, didn't want to fight for fear of hurting someone by what I did or said. Times have changed and so has my life's responsibilities and work. I have come to realize that I have not dealt with the transition well. In the process of transition I have become passive-aggressive. I never say no, paste a smile on my face, ry not to argue with anyone about anything so that I don't hurt anyone and yet in the process I hurt myself and then get mad at myself and then fume and fester.
I think (I hope) that tonight may be a turning point from this passive-aggressive point. I don't want to be back to full aggressive, but I hope to be less passive. I hope that I will not allow myself to feel guilt if I say no. I hope that I will remember tonight's trigger...something my mother said to me. She said that if I have something to say to just say it. She raised me to speak my mind whether someone else liked it or not. I had forgotten that. I had put everyone else's wants and needs ahead of mine. I hope that I can walk that fine line a little better going forward. I can fix the corner I painted myself in to, but I can't have to make it any tighter of a corner than it is going forward and perhaps I can stop the self-flogging over it!
Either way, the only person who has complete say over me is me and I have to remember that too!
2 comments:
One of the most important words to learn is "no." It is very powerful, freeing, and valuable to have in your arsenal. And it is important to learn its use early.
However, you don't want to overuse it. If you overuse it, people start claiming you are a Negative Nancy or something worse. Use it when your time is booked and you can't fit anything more in, when something is objectionable to you, or when you need to stop something from happening.
I wouldn't say you became PA; instead, you went from A to P and a are slowly figuring out where you want to be as you build back up your self-esteem and personality.
In the end saying no instead of saying yes when you don't have the time, money or energy will hurt less feelings.
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