I am having a rather uninspired Halloween so far. Even though I'm dressed up, brought candy to work, the whole 9-yards, I'm still very sullen and feeling extremely uninspired. :(
I even sent in my first "wholesale" order from a supply store (it has a few xmas gifts in it - yaaay!) but even that has left me rather deflated as there was a probelm with the order due to the international shipping and it being my first order.
And no rehearsal tonight... I'm actually kind of sad. I've been getting in the groove of rehearsals and I've been sleeping SO WELL at nights because of the extra work! LOL!!
Ah well, we'll pick up where we left on Saturday morning at 10am UGH!
So, no staying up to the witching hour for me this Samhain... That's okay too. :)
I hope everyone does have a fantastic Samhain and a happy halloween. I'm hoping I'll get in the groove when the kids come knocking!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
The weather outside is frightful
It's not really, but this rain is REALLY dreary...to the point where I feel like I could fall asleep instantly this afternoon!
Rehearsals are picking up steam and they seem to be getting better. It hasn't been easy. But I'm working on it.
I didn't realize how mellow I had become through the last few years!
There was no "Terrorizor" or "Mistress Terror" left close enough to the surface for me to easily get back to.
As much as peopel think at work and stuff that I'm a total hard-ass I soooo have mellowed...become too emotional and sensitive.
I've had to go back about 12 - 15 years to get even a semblance of an edge that the director wants for the role.
I have had to go back and look at some previous emails and conversations I had printed off where my attitude was magnificently obnoxious and I spoke all too well when terrorizing someone.
I have thought back on situations and circumstances that I had not thought of in years to get the stance, the 'tude back on track.
i'm still not anywhere the director really wants me to be - he says I'm just too nice and not manipulative or aggressive enough still for his preference, but I am trying.
If those who know me and are a wee bit intimidated or scared by me now had seen me then...they'd shit themselves. LOL!!
Rehearsals are picking up steam and they seem to be getting better. It hasn't been easy. But I'm working on it.
I didn't realize how mellow I had become through the last few years!
There was no "Terrorizor" or "Mistress Terror" left close enough to the surface for me to easily get back to.
As much as peopel think at work and stuff that I'm a total hard-ass I soooo have mellowed...become too emotional and sensitive.
I've had to go back about 12 - 15 years to get even a semblance of an edge that the director wants for the role.
I have had to go back and look at some previous emails and conversations I had printed off where my attitude was magnificently obnoxious and I spoke all too well when terrorizing someone.
I have thought back on situations and circumstances that I had not thought of in years to get the stance, the 'tude back on track.
i'm still not anywhere the director really wants me to be - he says I'm just too nice and not manipulative or aggressive enough still for his preference, but I am trying.
If those who know me and are a wee bit intimidated or scared by me now had seen me then...they'd shit themselves. LOL!!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
getting there
wow! What an interesting week it was!
Did I ever get sick! I got 2.5 days out sick from work sick!
I am not surprised that I got sick, it just sucks. I thought that since I had gone past my "usual" "fall-time illness" week that I would miss it. Not such luck. It was just later. :(
Anyhoos - the headache is gone (finally) the gastrointestinal issues are gone, the sinuses are draining (but not totally done) and now, I'm on to the barking cough. :( As long as it doesn't last more than 3 days, I'll be fine for the next series of rehearsals. If it lasts 3 weeks like last year, I'm screwed!
Rehearsals...not so good today... we went through a full run-through and it wasn't so great for me. I was just way off... and I lost my speaking voice in the middle of it all :(
Ah well... I also lost my focus, confidence and memory... I could blame the meds, but I didn't actually take any today.
I went from the full run-through rehearsal for Chicago and went straight to Tracy's rehearsal tonight...well, with a stop at Tim Horton's along the way LOL!
It went well, but boy! do I have some practicing to do for that too!! :(
So, I've got to memorize lines, songs, entrances and exits for the show, and make rehearsals basically every night of the week (8 - 10pm to start) and each weekend day basically from now until show time. Not really sure when I'll have time to practice the music for Tracy's show, but I've got to get them a whole lot cleaner and faster, so I've got to figure out a gameplan soon!
On top of all this, tonight I honestly missed my hubby!!! I had to call when driving from rehearsal to rehearsal jus to say hello and see how things were going at home because I missed him.
We're not goign to have much time together the next 4 - 6 weeks, so I'm not sure this is a good start! LOL!!
At least he'll have some time to himself to do his own things - I tend to cramp his style in the evenings when I want all his time and attention when we're home together.
Did I ever get sick! I got 2.5 days out sick from work sick!
I am not surprised that I got sick, it just sucks. I thought that since I had gone past my "usual" "fall-time illness" week that I would miss it. Not such luck. It was just later. :(
Anyhoos - the headache is gone (finally) the gastrointestinal issues are gone, the sinuses are draining (but not totally done) and now, I'm on to the barking cough. :( As long as it doesn't last more than 3 days, I'll be fine for the next series of rehearsals. If it lasts 3 weeks like last year, I'm screwed!
Rehearsals...not so good today... we went through a full run-through and it wasn't so great for me. I was just way off... and I lost my speaking voice in the middle of it all :(
Ah well... I also lost my focus, confidence and memory... I could blame the meds, but I didn't actually take any today.
I went from the full run-through rehearsal for Chicago and went straight to Tracy's rehearsal tonight...well, with a stop at Tim Horton's along the way LOL!
It went well, but boy! do I have some practicing to do for that too!! :(
So, I've got to memorize lines, songs, entrances and exits for the show, and make rehearsals basically every night of the week (8 - 10pm to start) and each weekend day basically from now until show time. Not really sure when I'll have time to practice the music for Tracy's show, but I've got to get them a whole lot cleaner and faster, so I've got to figure out a gameplan soon!
On top of all this, tonight I honestly missed my hubby!!! I had to call when driving from rehearsal to rehearsal jus to say hello and see how things were going at home because I missed him.
We're not goign to have much time together the next 4 - 6 weeks, so I'm not sure this is a good start! LOL!!
At least he'll have some time to himself to do his own things - I tend to cramp his style in the evenings when I want all his time and attention when we're home together.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
timing isn't everything?
The infamous 'they' say that timing isn't everything.
I'd beg to differ.
Most of my life has been led according to timing. Whether it was a school schedule, practice schedule, work schedule, or some other kind of schedule, life is all about timing.
And if our timing is off, even by just a step or two, we are 'off' our timing and things do go awry.
Life is all about timing, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I'm just not sure what to do when the timing seems so far off that it's impossible to even see how to even try to get back to 'right' timing.
In my mind, the right timing would be in the springtime...maybe April for May type of thing, but certainly not October for November and the cold reality of winter!
I just don't know how to take the cues and not question the timing of it all.
The cues point one way, but the timing a completely opposite way.
Pushed and pulled...what else is new?
Usually, it is so much clearer though. When life gets out of sync and the timing isn't just right, it's not usually that much of an apparent gaping hole between steps.
Usually, it's waiting a beat, or picking up the speed a bit as one walks or jumps or dances around the issue that's thrown the timing off.
huh... I just realized something as I wrote that last sentence...
It's not that I'm off the beat! It's that I can't even feel the beat anymore.
Wow!
Even more difficult to figure out how to get back into sync!
I'd beg to differ.
Most of my life has been led according to timing. Whether it was a school schedule, practice schedule, work schedule, or some other kind of schedule, life is all about timing.
And if our timing is off, even by just a step or two, we are 'off' our timing and things do go awry.
Life is all about timing, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I'm just not sure what to do when the timing seems so far off that it's impossible to even see how to even try to get back to 'right' timing.
In my mind, the right timing would be in the springtime...maybe April for May type of thing, but certainly not October for November and the cold reality of winter!
I just don't know how to take the cues and not question the timing of it all.
The cues point one way, but the timing a completely opposite way.
Pushed and pulled...what else is new?
Usually, it is so much clearer though. When life gets out of sync and the timing isn't just right, it's not usually that much of an apparent gaping hole between steps.
Usually, it's waiting a beat, or picking up the speed a bit as one walks or jumps or dances around the issue that's thrown the timing off.
huh... I just realized something as I wrote that last sentence...
It's not that I'm off the beat! It's that I can't even feel the beat anymore.
Wow!
Even more difficult to figure out how to get back into sync!
Monday, October 06, 2008
Starting to climb back up from the hole
So yeah, it's been a 2 week downward spiral, but I'm starting to climb back up from the dark hole. It might be at someone else's expense, but that's okay too! Maybe this will be what brings him back down to earth from his 6 month trip amongst the clouds.
I am a happier person when I'm busier. Sad, but true. I think that's been part of my problem...not enough to keep my mind occupied, so I think too much!
I am a happier person when I'm busier. Sad, but true. I think that's been part of my problem...not enough to keep my mind occupied, so I think too much!
Perhaps it's PMS
So, I'm thinking it's just PMS... odd... as two sticks... But hey, who am I? I'll go with it. Yes.
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