Focus

I am having a very difficult time focusing as of late. It's not really getting better either. It doesn't seem to be sleep related either :( Anyone have any time for helping to focus?

RIP

Deepest sympathy to the families left behind of Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy (Woman) and their son Daniel. Yet another one of the boys lost too soon. :(

3.5 days of sun

Wow! What a great weekend that has just passed! Not only was it our third sunny weekend in a row, but I had an extended weekend, as I took Thursday and Friday off and Bonnie was around to boot!

Bonnie & Randy came up on Wednesday afternoon and Stayed Wed & Thurs. night at Rockwood campgroud. Then Friday we headed to the lake where we stayed Fri & sta night. We all packed up and headed out on Sunday before lunchtime. They were heading to parts unknown for a couple more days. What more can one ask for in life but a couple of days of sitting on the wharf at the lake, feet (or whole body) in the water, soaking up the sun doing squat all?!? :) It was also the first time in 3 years that I've stayed overnight at the lake and Van's first time ever. It was okay...not great. He didn't hardly sleep, but mom & dad's bed was a little wonky. Mom worked, so it was just us, though Matthew did come down and stay Saturday night. I think he was a bit more than disappointed at how boring we really are! Van wasn't overly struck by anything or anyone, and that's okay. Things have changed in general, so I can see it. Perhaps just time and spacial issues, but I don't really think so. We'll see. I am more tired though than I expected I would be.

Thursday night was another Tea & Tarot. Basically all new people to practice on. Bonnie did billets, though she found it too distracting to be in the thick of everything, so she headed to the basement. Shakti found it too distracting to be in the larger group to work with the crystal ball, so she went to the back bedroom. Ann and I were left to the the cards. I think it went well. People seemed to be happy with the readings that they got. The full meal deal is on hold until we get a suitable venue and more readers to be involved.

I'm not sure how things are going to go down, but I'm hoping that it all turns out for the best in the long run. Some interesting reactions to say the least.

Van took me to the movies last night after Father's Day supper at Judy's. We saw Surf's Up. very cute! The babies are ADORABLE!!! Recommend to anyone looking for a bit of a brain halt. :) Tonight we are going to go see Ocean's 13. We don't see a movie in the theatre for about 6 months, then 2 in a row! Leave it to us! :)

Cleansing

Had a cleansing therapy session today. Not what was expected of this session, however, one that was needed. He took the emotional things that I can't logistically relate to and made it logical. So, I'm hoping that that will make me deal more easily with these feelings that don't make sense to me, but I can't stop feeling them.

Bonnie & Randy are coming in to town tomorrow. They are bringing their travel trailer and 2 dogs, stays Weds and Thurs night at Rockwood Park Campground, Friday we'll head to the lake where they'll park the trailer in the yard and we'll stay there for Friday and Saturday night. Van has to work Friday day, but I'll swing up and get him after work on friday and we'll stay friday night and Saturday night at the lake. mom is working, so the folks won't be there, but Ganky probably will. Sunday morning I have to leave for church (unless Barry is better and takes the service) and we'll all head back to SJ on Sunday evening. They may stay another couple of nights at Rockwood, or they may head to moncton where they will camp for the next week so she can visit one of her brothers who is working in Moncton.

So, I'm hoping that the weekend will be a nice, relaxing, cleansing time of sitting doing nothing on the wharf at the lake! :)

Potato, Potato

You say Poe-Tay-toe, I say Poe-Tah-Toe. It's all the same thing, but it's all in how you want to say it. You say re-assignment, I say demotion. It's all the same thing, but it's all in how you want to say it.

Change

So, the change has been decided. The timeline has not. Change for everything and all. A step back and a step down. Good thing? Bad thing? Only time will tell and no timeline means no telling.

Mish Mash

Ever get that deep seated tired to the core? What did you do to combat it? (Don't bother responding if you would suggest exercise.)

Had another emotional meeting at/with regards to work yesterday and today. Another complete breakdown at both. Is it worth it? Haven't decided yet.

They presented me another option today. A way to stay, but a completely different place and level. Is it out of a sense of loyalty for all that I've done with them so far? Probably. Do I want to stay here? Probably. I've asked for an outline of what they believe will be needed for this new position. I'm just not sure that there is a way to save anything within though. I will give them credit for trying so hard to keep me here, and happy...at their own expense. Damn friendships first!

Seriously considering truly going "public" with my Spiritual side and thoughts. I let anyone and everyone who actually asks me what I think about religion of all kinds, but I'm seriously looking at some SSF development classes and iiihs certifications. Then again, it's all organized, which is probably the thing I dislike the most about it!! :) Oh well. Life isn't perfect. but perhaps I can take what I like from it and then modify as needed. What I've been doing anyway. But, I think that would feed the counselling and teaching void that I feel right now. It will also mean investing money and time, which I'm not convinced is necessary, but perhaps it is to be taken seriously? Don't know. Doubt that anyone will truly take me seriously anyway with it all, but hey! All I can do is try. That's what life's all about.

It's Camp Day at Tim's today...So I got 24 Smile Cookies for the office. Sharing rawks!

When I was at the lake on Sunday both Van and I opened up to my mom about a lot of things along the other worldly line and she didn't balk, blink or ridicule. Way to go mom!!! Baby steps are great! :)

I'm confused as to why I have no self-esteem even when I know I'm good enough at something. Anyone have any thoughts on combatting that? Even Cognitive Behavioral Therapy just doesn't seem to be cutting it.

Life is hard enough, why is it that other people always seem to make it harder?

How are Van and I going to agree on where to live when we both want the same thing, just in different places? He wants NS and I want either St. George or Hampton/Sussex.

Solstice is coming. I've been invited to another ritual. So far all the rituals I've been invited to have been at times I've had previous committments. This one isn't, but I'm still not keen on going. Why? Not sure. Perhaps it's they're too "out there" for me? They think they are Pagan/non-Christian, when really they are just rebellious and goth interested. *le sigh*

Solstice - a blurb as written in the Llewellyn's Witches Datebook 2007:
The longest day and shortest night of the year. Solstice marks the height of the Sun's powers and the beginning of their decline as the wheel of the year turns. Celebrations are filled with marriages, music, dancing, racing, feasting and rituals. Young animals and new babies have replenished the community. This is a joyous time of renewal.
Stonehenge was aligned to the Summer Solstice Sun about 4,000 years ago. Each year, thousands of modern Pagans and Witches gather at Stonehenge in celebration of the Summer Solstice. Many other stone works are aligned to the Summer Solstice, attesting to teh widespread importance of this day in cultures around the world.
Summer Solstice is sacred to the Horse Goddess Epona. She is a Mother Goddess of the fruits of the fields and orchards and represents abundance; the cornucopia is a symbol of Epona's bounty.

A time of renewal. Perhaps that is applicable to me afterall.

Job?

I think the time is fast approaching when I must change direction (yet again). This is not going well being back and I don't see how it will get any better, so what do I have to look forward to?

Bonnie's Home!!!

Bonnie's Home!!!! YAAAAAAY!!!

Tea & Tarot to go public?

Tea & Tarot went so well at my place last week that I think we can expand it and do a public tea & tarot. Only problem is that one of the readers at my place doesn't think she is ready to do a public outinig so to speak. She is uncomfortable with the idea of reading for anyone who may be there. I can understand that, however, we can't work 40 to 60 people with 2 readers.

When I asked the other reader if she knew of anyone else who could read, she said no, that none of those that she has been working with are at the level they need to be to read publically. I can understand that as well.

Also, the date that I picked, Thursday, June 28th won't work as I have tickets to Charlie Pride that night. So, I'm thinking that it's not meant to be at this time...too soon perhaps? Not sure.

I've got at least 2 groups of people though who are interested in coming to the house for readings for 4 or 5 people. Haven't talked about price yet. I think I'd do $15 per person at the house to start. Then again, just more experience is good too, even if just for free practice.

I'll see. Maybe July is the better time after all. Maybe some of the students in the other reader's class will be ready to publically read in another month's time. I think now it's just too rushed.